


not the only one

by farkenshnoffingottom



Series: PFF Bingo 2018 [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Asexuality, M/M, POV Phil Lester, discussions of coming out, internet support group
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 15:08:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16266728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farkenshnoffingottom/pseuds/farkenshnoffingottom
Summary: It's not until Dan starts editing the latest Internet Support Group video that he notices how much one of his answers points to Phil. Phil has to decide if he's really ready to start letting the world see the real him.





	not the only one

**Author's Note:**

> Another self-indulgent PFF Bingo fill! This one is for the "player's choice!" square, but I decided to use "asexuality," which is on my card but not in the row I chose to do
> 
> Thanks to [yourfriendlyblogstalker](http://yourfriendlyblogstalker.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing this fic. All remaining mistakes are my own
> 
> Title from Will Jay's [Never Been In Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtgcPWnR0ak), which is the aroace anthem I always needed (and maybe that implies Dan and Phil have a queerplatonic relationship in this fic instead of a romantic relationship, but it doesn't really matter which way you read it. They're clearly important to each other, in whatever way makes sense to them (Also now I'm having headcanons about my own damn fic... Maybe that's my brain telling me to write more in this 'verse. Let me know in the comments if you want that!))
> 
> This is a work of fiction, and is in no way intended to be a factual representation of irl Dan and Phil

“This question comes from Lee, 23, Montana,” Dan says, as the email starts to scroll on the screen.

_ Hi Dan, _

_ For so much of my life, I’ve thought I was broken. When I was younger, I thought maybe I was just a late bloomer, but I’m 23 now, and I still don’t know what all the hype is about when it comes to sex. I was on tumblr a few days ago, and I came across the term asexuality. I started going through the tag, and I started to get excited because maybe there are other people like me. It gives me hope that maybe I’m okay, but I’m still scared. I’m worried people won’t accept me if I ever work up the nerve to tell them, and I’m tired of getting questions about relationships from my family. Please help? _

“Right. First, you should never be ashamed of who you are. Asexuality is a totally valid identity. Never let anyone tell you differently. If you fall anywhere on the ace-spectrum, that’s totally fine. In fact, I have a friend who’s ace, and he’s a wonderful person. He’s had many of the same fears as you, but he still has fulfilling and important relationships in the ways that make sense to him. There are people out there who will accept you and care about you. Communities like AVEN are a good place to start to talk to people and learn more about asexuality. I’ll put a link in the description. No matter what, you are not broken. Don’t lose hope.” Dan raises his water glass to the camera in a toast before taking a sip and moving on to the next question.

\---

Phil takes a deep breath as Dan pauses the video. Dan had extracted himself from his editing cocoon to nervously run this section by Phil.

“Oh,” Phil says, brain whirring.

“I didn’t even realize how it would sound until I was editing it. I really think I need to answer this question here, for so many reasons, but I can re-film it if you aren’t comfortable, or I can just take that middle part out. You know our audience is going to immediately assume I’m talking about you.” They sure spend enough time insisting that they have no friends but each other.

Phil also knows just as well as Dan that people will notice if Dan filmed one part of the video on a different day. Phil could ask that Dan film the entire thing again, and he knows Dan would do that for him, but he wants to be brave, for Lee and anyone else like them.

“I’m so sorry Phil,” Dan says while Phil is still mustering the courage to say it. “I felt like it needed the best answer I could give, and I just wanted to reassure everyone that they could still be loved, no matter what. I didn’t stop to think how much that would point to you…”

It’s been years, but sometimes Phil is still floored by how much Dan cares, how hard he tries to be a pillar of support for everyone. He’s so lucky to have Dan in his life.

“It’s okay, Dan,” Phil says softly. He plays the clip one more time before continuing. “I want you to include this in the video. It’s a good answer. It will be so important for Lee to hear, and for every other ace-spec person who watches your videos and is scared about themselves.” Phil pulls Dan into a hug, trying to tell him this really is okay. “I wish I’d had something like that when I was younger,” Phil murmurs into Dan’s neck.

“I wish you did too,” Dan whispers back, pulling away to rest his forehead on Phil’s. “But you have people who support you now. I’m so proud of you for all you’ve done to make the world a better place.”

Phil thinks this is a comment he should scoff at, to maintain a pretense that he’s not affected, but he can’t bring himself to fake it right now. Instead, he squeezes Dan, feeling his eyes prickling slightly. He and Dan have been talking about being more open with the world so much lately. Dan had dived right in by posting Trying To Live My Truth, but Phil still hasn’t figured out how he’s going to do it. It’s easier said than done, but maybe this is a place to start. They’ll be going on tour soon, and who knows. Maybe someone will ask him a question at a meet and greet or in a live show, and he’ll let himself answer. He feels a little zing of excitement, mixed in with the apprehension, at the idea of really starting to show his authentic self to the world, and he’s so grateful that Dan is here to walk that path with him. He can let Dan take the first step for him, he thinks, let him put this part of Phil out in the open. He can do this.

He leans forward to kiss Dan. “I want you to post it,” he says. “Thank you. For asking me. For being here. For loving me.”

Dan smiles softly at him, and his answering kiss is full of hope for this future they’re building.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know what you think! :)


End file.
